L'Amour De Lupe
by erisedilla
Summary: Remus Lupin is in his 6th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His world is turned upside down when he begins to dream - and remember.
1. Dreams and Memories

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.   
  
_'Rosie! Rosie! Who's that boy down there?' The cloth of her robes held firmly in my hands._

'He's... well...' Something flickers across her striking blue eyes .'He's one of the boys from the manor.'

'Manor?' The way she says it sounds foreboding... Dark even.

'Yes, from Malfoy Manor -don't look at him, Remus'

But it's too late. So many questions erupt in my mind, I just have _to know... What's it like to live up there? Does he have a lot of toys? How come he can walk around all alone when he isn't much older than me? Where is his Rosie? And what on earth is that funny looking creature trailing behind him? _

'Hey! Hey you!' I hear myself say.

The boy keeps walking, acting as if my voice is just a strange effect of the wind.

'I want to ask you something - wait, where are you going?'

He had sauntered off the road and into a field, heading towards the Great Forest. The creature looks at me and then at the boy, appearing as though he's making a very painful decision.

'Master**,**' it squeaks - I'm taken aback, this thing can talk_? 'Master, Dobby thinks this boy wants your attention, sir.'_

'What?' the boy shoots back, obviously perturbed that this... Dobby has interrupted his stroll.

'The boy,' says the creature, now shaking slightly, 'he is wanting to talk to you, sir.'

As if just seeing me for the first time, the older boy sneers.

'What do you want?' he says, without the slightest hint of anything friendly in his voice.

'I...I...' I stuttered, suddenly unawareof why I'm standing in the middle of a field, talking to a boy I've never even seen before. 'D-do you w-want to p-play with m-m-me?'

The boy from the manor lets out a mocking laugh 'Play with you? You're asking me if I want to play with you? Of course I...' He thinks for a fraction of a second and then something changes in his face; he wears a sinister smile now. **'**…Do.**'**

A feeling of joy fills my chest - maybe he isn't so mean after all!

'What do you want to play?' I hear myself ask him. 'My Rosie has some gobstones if you want to..'

'How about Dare?' says the boy, sinister smile still lingering on his face.

'I don't know that game,' a disappointed note to my voice.

'Oh that's quite alright - it's a simple game really... I tell you to do something, something daring - and you do it because I'll give you these.'He holds out three shining galleons.

My mouth drops in awe - I've only seen a galleon once before in my six years and this boy is offering to give me three_ of them... I'll do anything he wants! My Rosie will be so proud of me when I show them to her!_

Taking my awed stupor as an indication I want to play, the boy bends down to my level and says, 'See those lights over there, in the Forest?'

Sure enough, there are many bright red lights moving about in the thick of the trees.

'That means there's been a breakout at the Facility.'

The way he says Facility is not unlike the way my Rosie had said 'manor' a few minutes before... I haven't the slightest clue what he's talking about, but I don't say anything.'

'Your Dare is to go into the Forest and fetch me this.' He gives me an old piece of parchment with a drawing of an odd looking plant on it.

I don't know why this was such a 'daring' thing to do. I've been in the Foresta million times before with my Rosie, and it's nothing to be afraid of!

'Ok' I say, hoping that if I run his errand for him, he'll tell me about living in the manor. 'I'll do it!'

"Moony! Wake up! Moony!"

Remus Lupin awoke with a start... The dream he had been having - how could he - he hadn't thought of that in _years._

"Get your lazy arse out of bed, we're going to be late for breakfast!" said a hurried looking Sirius.

"Right, right, I'll be there in a minute," replied Remus sleepily, his mind still on his dream.

"No, get up _now_,_" _and suddenly, Remus's face was very cold and very, very wet.

"Sirius! Why the-" and he inserted a very colorful string of expletives "did you _do _that?!"

But then Remus glanced at the clock on his bedside table and he saw Sirius's reasoning. They had less than 15 minutes until class started and he wasn't even dressed yet

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier, Padfoot?!" A suddenly alert Remus said as he pulled on his socks.

"Don't think I didn't try, Moony! Has anyone ever told you that you snore like a troll?"

"As a matter of fact-" but he was cut off by a certain Mr.James Potter bursting into the room.

"Moony! Padfoot! Come _on_, we need to get down there before all the food is gone!"

They grabbed their things and set off for the Great Hall, James and Sirius talking animatedly about the train ride of the day before.

"Did you see the look on his _face_ when he realized that we had done it?" asked James, chuckling.

"I honestly thought he was going to hex you right then and there... Not that it would have done much damage, with his tongueswollen and all!" replied Sirius, letting out a bark-like laugh.

They took their usual seats at the Gryffindor table, Remus next to James who sat across from Sirius. Peter soon caught up to them and took his seat next to Sirius.

"Hey guys, that was some trick yesterday on the train, wasn't it? I thought I was about to wet myself with laughter!" said Peter. The others looked at him and half smiled, nodding . 

"Moony, what's up? You haven't said a word all morning," James said, a bit quieter so Peter couldn't butt in.

"Oh, it's nothing... I just..." He looked around. "I had a dream last night."

"Oh no, don't start in with some Muggle Civil Rights speech now!" said Peter loudly, and the others just stared. Turning red, he muttered something about needing to finish his Muggle Studies essay and hurried off towards the library. 

"Strange, that one," said Sirius, but James still appeared interested in Remus's dream

"What was it about?" he asked, but before Remus could reply, Professor McGonagall handed them all their timetables.

"Lupin, I'd like to have a word with you," she said, clearly implying that his conversation could wait. Confused, he followed her to the unoccupiedend of the Gryffindor table.

"I have been asked to inform you that, due to his increasing age, Professor Coborn will no longer be accompaning you on your monthly... _expeditions." _

Remus frowned; he had always enjoyed Coborn's company in the days preceding his transformations. He understood why he would be moved to leave the group however, after last year and all.

"Well, that's alright I guess," Remus said bleakly.

"And also, I am to inform you that you are to perform the same," she cleared her throat, "_duties_ as you did last year"

"Yes, Professor," replied Remus; he had been expecting this.

"Good" She seemed to relax a little. "I'm pleased that you are still willing to cooperate."

"As always, Professor," and he gave a small, slightly forced smile. He really didn't want to repeat last year, and was determined to have more fun during this one. _If only..._

His thoughts were interrupted as the bell rang and he returned to the Gryffindor table.

"Moony," said James quietly. "Mirrors, tonight, midnight."

Remus gave a slight nod and collected his things, heading off for his first lesson, which, he noticed with some distaste, was Potions.

***

Remus walked slowly to the dungeons, his mind still thoroughly stuck on the previous night's dream. James and Sirius had dashed back to the dormitories to retrieve Sirius's forgotten cauldron. Remus figured that wasn't all they had forgotten - knowing them they were up to their usual mischief. He had been invited to come with them, but was hardly in the mood to do anything but brood over his dream.

__

Why now? he thought angrily to himself. _It's been half a decade, why has my mind suddenly decided to remember now? It's not as though I can change anything, it's not like it'll do anything but haunt me for the rest of my existence... How could I have been so foolhardy?!_

He had reached the dungeon and taken his normal seat near the back. To his surprise, he noticed that there were students from all four houses sitting around him. There, he recognized Hopkins and Goldstein from the Hufflepuff Quidditch team sitting across the aisle from him. And at the table to his right sat Rodger Boot and his girlfriend, deep in conversation. Rodger had been mysteriously attacked in their third year and Remus had met the Ravenclaw during his monthly visit to the hospital wing. As he searched for other familiar faces, Remus felt the distinct prickle on the back of his neck that one feels when they're being watched. He looked around for the culprit and soon met the striking blue gaze of none other than Leivieta Ulvia, the Ravenclaw with the filthiest past. Before he had time to register his surprise, he felt a burning sensation near his navel and immediately reached for the small circular mirror in his pocket. Making sure to conceal it underneath his desk, he looked into it and saw none other than Hogwarts's most infamous trouble makers.

"Moony! We've still got two minutes before class starts, be a pal and come out here and give us a hand with this charm! We're just across the hall behind the statue of Herpo the Foul... Quickly!", and at that, their faces blurred and the mirror once again showed Remus's own face. 

He quickly pocketed the enchanted glass and nearly ran across the hall. They wouldn't want to find themselves late for Tannington's first lesson of the year. 

"We're trying to rustle up a bit of start of term cheer for the Slytherins," explained James briskly, the second Remus's head poked around the base of the statue, "but we couldn't remember that time release charm you put on Snivellus's boxers last year." All three grinned at the memory. Snape had been forced to wear the same pair of electric pink boxers (they had also run across a color changing charm) for three whole weeks. And of course at the end of the three weeks, the rancid garments were so eager to get off that they exploded - right in the middle of a crowded exam. Brushing the memory aside, Remus applied the same charm to the cart of snake embroidered quilts that had been cleverly intercepted on their way to the Slytherin dormitories. Only this time the charm was set to explode at precisely 3:30 the next morning. They were _certain_ that the Slytherins would be only too glad to wake up that early on their second day of term. As soon as the charm was performed, Sirius awoke the house-elf that had been resting unconscious behind him.

"Now that wasn't very nice," said Remus.He had always been fond of Hogwarts's house**-**elves.

"Oh, shut it, it's not like she'll remember any of this in a minute." And withthat, James muttered _Obliviate_ and the house-elf stood up, blinked a few times, and then continued pushing the cart towards the Slytherin common room.

"Right then," said Sirius, "we've got roughly ten seconds to get to our seats and make like we don't expect a cheery surprise come tomorrow morning." 

They sat down just as the bell rang. Professor Tannington gave them a suspicious stare, but said nothing. The well**-**trained class knew much better than to continue their conversations after the first chime - they all remembered the horrible descriptions of Tannington's detentions.

"As you are all aware," the Professor said in his quiet yet commanding voice, "this is a NEWT level course. Each and every one of you received at _least _an E on your Potions OWL." A few Slytherins exchanged boastful smiles. "But this is absolutely no reason for pride - Ms. Black." Bellatrix Black, who had plastered a particularly smug grin on her face now glared up at the Professor. "Five points from Slytherin." 

All the Slytherins now wore scowls, but none were senseless enough to express their distaste. All the other students, however, tried hard to fight back smiles. Most succeeded, but it appeared Sirius was unable to keep the gigantic grin off his face. Unfortunately, Tannington happened to be looking directly at him as he sniggered into his cauldron.

"_Mr._ Black, do you find it amusing that your fellow classmate has lost her Housepoints? Does her loss bring you joy? I would have expected more from a Gryffindor! I think it only fair for me to take five points from your Houseas well." Sirius fought the urge to grab his wand and hex their Professor. Remus could tell that it was going to be a very long year.

***

They managed to make it through the class period without losing Gryffindor any more points. Unluckily for them, however, they had forgotten that all NEWT level classes were double periods. Also, because NEWT courses were intended for specific career paths, all classes were made up of students from all four houses. For Sirius, this meant potentially spending _quality_ time with his _darling_ cousin, Bellatrix. 

"I can't believe that son of a bludger took points away from Gryffindor just because I laughed at my snake of a cousin," muttered Sirius angrily as soon as they were out of earshot of the dungeons. "He would be laughing too if he had to grow up with her constantly rubbing his nose in all of her achievements - I swear, my mother _pays _her to do it!"

Remus and James looked at each other. It wasn't often that Sirius mentioned his family. There was an awkward moment of silence and then happy distraction in the female form crossed their path. 

"Hey guys, wait up!" came the voice of Lily Evans from the emptying Transfiguration classroom. The three stopped and turned around to see Lily and her best friend Stef trotting down the corridor to catch up with them.

"What are you lot up to during the break?" asked Stef, eyeing the boys suspiciously.

"Break?" they asked in unison.

"Well yeah, the teachers can't expect us to keep up with all advanced level classes and not have a break every now and then..." Lily said innocently.

"We get an hour break between each class," said Stef, smiling.

"Wicked!" exclaimed Sirius and he whispered something in James's ear. In a second they were running off in the direction of Gryffindor Tower, undoubtedly up to something against the rules. "See you!" James yelled from the foot of the stairs.

"Honestly," said Lily in a mock insulted voice.

"So how was your summer, Remus?" Stef asked.

Remus, who had begun to drift off into his thoughts was jolted back to reality. It wasn't every day that Stefanie Whitter asked him how he was, he decided to put his dream on hold and have a little fun.

"Oh, it was great, andyou?"

"Marvelous," she said, with her perfect grin in place. "Fancy a game of Exploding Snap?"

They found a table in the courtyard and set to work, every now and then getting singed by the pile of exploding cards. After what seemed like no time at all, class was about to begin and Remus still had to fetch his Transfiguration things from his dormitory. 

"Well, I really must be going ladies." He kissed each of their hands in mock courtesy. "Until we meet again," and he gave an over exaggerated bow to them both, "adieu."

He pulled his cloak around him dramatically and walked briskly in the direction of the common room. He distinctly heard the girls giggling and chatting about him after he left.

Again, he made it to his seat just as the bell had finished ringing. However James and Sirius weren't nearly as lucky. They tried to sneak into the room ten minutes later, but it was no use. McGonagall, strict as ever, gave them each a detention to be served Thursday after class. 

After McGonagall had given them time to work on the reading she had just assigned ("A start of term gift"), she began to tidy her room, allowing Remus to scribble a note, asking the duo about their next plot of mischief. To his surprise, they refused to tell him. _I'll explain toyou at midnight,_ James wrote, after Sirius had looked away.

This puzzled Remus, but he didn't have any time to think about it, as the lunch bell had just rung.

"Finish reading chapter twelve and write a sixteen inch summary discussing the main topics to be turned in on Thursday." McGonagall called as they left the classroom. "Potter, Black, I need a word with you - run along Lupin, I've already spoken with you." And so Remus left, more puzzled than ever. He couldn't believe that he already had so much to think about - the first day wasn't even over yet...


	2. Discussions

Luckily, lunchand Care of Magical Creatures passed rather uneventfully. Except, of course, for Remus and James having to restrain Sirius during Care of Magical Creatures because of the favoritism Professor Melton so obviously gave the Slytherins (he was the Slytherin Head of House). Care of Magical Creatures was the only class in which Remus, Sirius, and James had never intentionally given the Professor a reason to give them detention. 

After class, there was a two hour break until dinner. Sirius and James again ran off to the dormitory to whisper about things unknown to Remus. _It's probably just something to do with all that Animagus business,_ he thought, trying to reassure himself. _If onlyI could decide when I wanted to transform - what a life it'd be!_. Feeling somewhat depressed and more than a little left out, he trudged off to the library to finish his Charms essay that had been assigned over the summer. On the way he thought of all the things that had suddenly been plaguing him in the past few days. His dream... A new year of duty... NEWT classes... his upcoming transformation... James and Sirius... the Ravenclaw girl who had been staring at him in Potions... SMACK!

So caught up in his thoughts, Remus hadn't been looking where he was going. He had run right into - he noticed with a small gasp of shock - none other than Leivieta Ulvia.

"So sorry... here... let me-" Remus stammered, as he tried to help her pick up the pile of books she had dropped.

"No... Please... It's ok... Just - Just leave me alone," Leivieta said, her voice quivering more than a little. Remus looked at her face for the first time, her pale cheeks were tear -stained and it looked as though new tears were threatening to spill from her striking blue eyes. 

"Oh my, what's wrong?" Remus asked, not entirely sure why he felt such concern for a girl he had only heard rumors about. "Can I do anything to help?"

A new emotion crossed Leivieta's face - one almost of gratitude - but was replaced in an instant with a scowl. "You just want to mock me too, don't you?" she spat at him. "You couldn't give a knut for who I am or how I feel - you just want to come laugh at the little girl who likes to snog other little girls, don't you?!" Her pale face was now a bright shade of red. "If anyone ever cared to wonder why I've done what I've done - what drives me to do what I do, love whom I love - It's not as simple as you all make it!" Tears were now spilling down her cheeks "It's not that simple! Nothing's that simple! Nothing could ever be that simple..." And she slid down the wall she had been leaning against, now fully giving in to the sobs that were overcoming her petite form. "I'm sorry, Remus, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to -" But she was silenced by the comforting hand he had placed on her back. 

"It's ok," he said to her quietly. He didn't have the slightest clue as to what had just happened. All he knew is that this sobbing form next to him needed him to be there at that moment, and so that's where he would be. 

Of course he knew about Leivieta's past - there wasn't a soul at Hogwarts who didn't - but he was one who had never gone out of his way to insult her. He knew that his friends hadn't been so kind. Growing up in pureblood families, James and Sirius had never been very open to individualistic ways of thinking and living. Remus knew that their minds could be changed, he was living proof of that, but as a general rule, they weren't very kind to individuals. In their fourth year, Leivieta had been the subject of a very nasty prank those two had pulled. Everyone knew about it, and many still talked about it to that very day.

But Remus had never judged her based upon her decisions. He always tried to look past others'exteriors, as strange as they may be. He truly wanted to help her, at least as much as she would allow him to. A few minutes passed and the two just sat there, Leivieta hugging her knees and crying softly and Remus gently rubbing her back in a circular motion. When he was little, his sister Rosie would rub his back like that whenever he came to her after having a nightmare. Those nights were some of his most peaceful memories of his childhood. _There I go again, _he thought to himself bitterly, _why can't I get her out of my head?!_ He barely noticed that Leivieta had stopped crying and was now trying to wipe the tears from her face. 

"Thanks," she croaked, her voice stuffy and quieter than normal. "You really didn't have to stay here with me, Remus, I... Thanks." She smiled. Remus was relieved to see her smile; it wasso much better than the contorted frown she had worn when she had been crying. 

"Do you think you want to - to talk about it?" Remus asked tentatively. "I haven't got anything to do 'til dinner, do you maybe want to go somewhere and -"

"I think I'll manage," Leivieta said, with a little bit of the accusatory tone she had used on him earlier returning. "I really don't need your charity, you know."

"Leivieta-," she looked slightly shocked that he was using her name, "I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, I never have!" He moved slightly to look her straight in the eye. "I'm not trying to mock you, and I'm not trying to get some crazy story to tell my friends. I want to know your side of the story - your side of all the terrible rumors I've heard about you. I want to know who _you_ really are." 

Leivieta was utterly shocked by this statement. _Nobody_ had ever wanted to know her. Everyone seemed to know everything they needed to know about her the instant they heard her "story" from their giggling friends. She refused to believe her ears, and yet something inside her urged her to reply, "Okay..." Remus smiled. "Just not right now. I think I've had enough emotion for one evening." With that, she stood up, picked up the rest of her books, and walked briskly towards the West Tower.

_What on earthjust happened?! _Remus thought dazedly to himself. He had just offered to help a complete stranger sort out her conflicting emotions. He had just declared what he had always known - he was helplessly intrigued with the Ravenclaw girl with the dirtiest past. 

***

The rest of the break and dinner passed in a blur for Remus. Somehow he managed to get his Charms essay ("Vanishing charms are neither total nor reliable- explain") done. Luckily for Remus, he had always been able to produce his best schoolwork when his social life was in the most turmoil. A habitual procrastinator to the last possible instant, he was more than relieved to get his summer homework done before midnight struck. By the time he went back to the common room to deposit his completed essay, James and Sirius were done talking about their "secret" and so the trio walked down to dinner together. They laughed and talked just like always; not until that moment did Remus realize how great it was to be back at Hogwarts. He was finally back home.

"You coming, Moony?" James said, wearing his usual wide grin. "We're off to meet the girls in the common room for some old fashioned truth or dare." Remus, who had again been caught up in his thoughts, quickly jumped out of his seat and joined the other three (Peter was apparently coming with them as well). _Truth or Dare _he thought to himself. _How ironic that we're playing that of all games... You really need to stop thinking so much, your friends are going to think you've gone mad!_

"So," Remus said, coming out of his trance to be social, "what classes does everyone have tomorrow?"

"I've got Charms, Muggle Music, _duty,_" Sirius said this word with a perfect impression of Professor McGonagall, then rolled his eyes, "and then Herbology. "What about you, Prongs?"

"I've got my duty first off tomorrow... I feel bad for the kid, I'll probably be asleep half the time... Then Muggle Music," James exchanged a highly mischievous smile with Sirius. They had been hounded by McGonagall to sign up for more classes, so they had picked Muggle Music - the slacker's dream. "Followed by Charms, and Herbology. How about you, Moony?"

"Charms, _History of Magic_," he did a flawless impression of Professor Bins' monotonous drone, "Arithmancy and then Herbology." 

****

James gavea low whistle. "That's some schedule you've got planned for yourself, Moony. I'm sure that'll be fun come... come that time of the month."

"Prongs, you make it sound like I'm menstruating or something," Remus said in all seriousness. The other boys all started laughing, especially Peter who had become rather red in the face. "But yeah, I've thought of that... Hopefully my B.S. skills are still up to par," Remus said with a grin. The boys had always come up with the most elegant fake answers, and were known throughout Hogwarts for it. 

By this time, they had reached the Fat Lady and given her the password ("Kneazle"). They strolled to the back of the common room and found Lily and Stef happily chatting with a few of their fifth year girlfriends. All four girls were extremely attractive and Remus found it rather amusing to watch the other boys' demeanors change due to their presence. James simply wouldn't stop ruffling his hair and Sirius seemed to be smoothing his out every ten seconds. Peter had immediately spotted the shyest of the four and was working on starting up a nervous conversation with her. Remus, however, remained his normal self - girls never really got to him. He figured he had many worse things to be worried about; why should he bother getting all worked up about the opposite sex? "So," he said, after a few minutes of talking with the girls, "I believe we have a game of Truth or Dare to get down to." A mischievous smile lit up his face and the game began.

***

A few hours (and many dares) later, the game ended due to the girls claiming to need their beauty sleep. In truth, they were afraid that the next dare would involve kissing Peter, as he was flushing scarlet after talking with the rest of his team. Remus checked his watch and noted that he had a little over an hour before midnight, so he decided to take a shower before his chat with James. While in the dormitory to grab his towel and shampoo, he noticed that James and Sirius were at it once again - chatting in hushed tones and searching through the books scattered on Sirius's bed. Not caring to try to make sense of it and feeling thankful that he'd know exactly what they were up to in less than an hour, Remus got in the shower and focused on more pressing matters. _James is right - my classes this year are going to be a troll to manage... But I need to take them - Dumbledore has to know he can trust me... Don't know what I'd do if he weren't around... I'd be forced to live life on the run... Always on the run... If he hadn't let me into his school - they surely would have caught me by now... _He shuddered at the thought of being taken back to the source of all his nightmares. _I owe that man my life... Not a single wolf ever lasted more than a decade... Some life I've got to live... _

"Moony! You trying to drown yourself or something?" Sirius's voice came from behind the door. "Hurry up! I really need to get the Evans germs off of me!"

Remus snapped back to reality. He hadn't noticed that he had been in the shower for half an hour and hadn't so much as touched the soap.

"I'll be out in a minute!" he called, briskly washing off. "Although I'm pleased that you're still squeamish about your dare - it means I've done my job!" He smiled at the memory of the dare he and James had just forced Sirius to complete. They had asked Lily to retrieve her most feminine outfit as well as all the makeup she owned and, with the entire Common Room watching, they had given Sirius the makeover of a lifetime. Naturally, they had charmed the dress and makeup to remain on their friend until the end of the game, which provided for some serious entertainment. Especially because the garment was skin tight and cut short.

Remus towel dried his dark blonde hair as Sirius began to tap out the drum solo from the newest hit on the WWN ("Enervate Me" by The Boggarts) on the door. "I'm coming, I'm coming... sheesh, you're like a hyper puppy or something!" he said, as he let Sirius in and started back towards the dormitory, falling once more into his thoughts. A minute later, Remus felt the familiar burning sensation behind his navel, and realized that it must already be midnight. He hurried back to his four-poster and retrieved the small mirror from his robes that were laying in a heap at the foot of his bed. As expected, he saw James's face smiling up at him. 

"Hey Prongs," he said, though his voice made no noise. Thanks to James's father's extensive spell library, they had been able to not only enchant these mirrors for communication, but make it so that the conversations held on them wouldn't be able to be heard by anybody. They could only hear the side of the conversation directed at them, which had proven to be incredibly useful in the year that they'd had the mirrors. "I've just gotten out of the shower, give me a minute to settle down." Remus haphazardly threw his pajamas on and got into his bed, pulling the curtains around him. "Alright... So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked, although he already knew the answer.

"Well," James began. "Let's just start out with your dream, shall we?"

Remus was strongly reminded of a muggle psychiatrist, but seeing as James had never taken Muggle Studies, he kept this feeling to himself. "Well... Basically it was about my bite..."

James looked slightly confused, "You have those nightmares all the time though, don't you?"

"No," Remus said. "Well, yes, but none of them are like this. It was like I was six again... and I felt all my emotions and thought all my thoughts... And..." Remus paused, not sure whether he wanted to tell James this part. Remembering that James was there to help he said quietly, "And Rosie was there, James - it's the first time I've thought about her in years... I thought I had made myself forget about her!"

"Sorry... But who's Rosie?" James asked tentatively. Whoever she was, she must have done something terrible to Remus, the way he talked about her.

"My sister. She was ten years older than me." He took a deep breath and prepared to tell his story, "When I was growing up, my father was never around - always on business of some sort. And our mum was a Squib who was nearly always sick. So Rosie basically raised me."

"That doesn't explain why-" James started.

"After my bite, however," Remus continued, "everything changed. Our worlds were turned upside down. My father lost his job at the Ministry because of my condition. He would disappear for weeks at a time, coming home for each of my transformations and then leaving as soon as I was... secure."

"What does Rosie have to do with this?" James asked gently.

"It became Rosie's job to come fetch me after the moon was over. The things she saw horrified her. The spell my father used to secure me built a force field around me, so I couldn't escape. However, other creatures could enter and they would always meet their end at my... hands..." He paused for a moment and closed his eyes. "Let's just say that back then, I was a very messy eater - the results were always terrible, I dream of them all the time. And so," Remus sighed, "we began to distance. Then... it happened..." Remus swallowed, a pained expression on his face, "We got an owl that our father had been sent to Azkaban for crimes they wouldn't discuss with us. Suddenly, Rosie and I were on our own. She had to take care of both our sickly mother and me... the family burden... Rosie's magic was never very strong, she could only perform a few simple spells and she never got a Hogwarts education because of it. The first month after our father left, something went terribly wrong. Rosie tried to perform the same spell as my father had always done - but she wasn't powerful enough. For two horrifying days and nights, I was free and unrestrained, able to bite and kill whatever I found. When I returned to my human state, I was scared out of my mind - thinking that I had surely killed what was left of my family. By some crazy miracle, Rosie had managed to hide from me - but my mother... wasn't as lucky. I bit her and she was already so weak..." Remus's voice had dropped to a murmur, "She didn't make it." 

James looked at his friend, who had closed his eyes again, as if attempting to block the memories. "It's not your fault Remus," he said carefully. "You can't be held responsible for your actions as a wolf - especially when you were so young. If anything, it's Rosie's fault." James knew instantly that he shouldn't have said that. Remus's eyes lit up with an anger James had never seen before.

"Rosie's fault?! How canyou say that?" Remus's voice, which had been so quiet just a minute before now rose to the brink of yelling. "She was only seventeen, James - not even a year older than you! And she could hardly take care of me as a boy, which is _nothing_ to a new wolf! I was wild, so much more than you've ever witnessed and she was the only one who could restrain me - only she was mostly squib herself... No, James, it was nobody's fault but mine. _I killed my mother._"

"Don't say that! You know full well that you can't control your wolf self. It's impossible to put the blame on any one person or thing, Remus. It's just the way of things, Moony, it can't be helped. _Believe me_" 

Feeling slightly calmer, Remus continued, "Regardless of whose fault it was, Rosie was still scared beyond belief. She was now absolutely alone in the world with nothing to guide her. She was powerless against me when I transformed and that put her in extreme danger. She knew that it would only be a matter of months before I found her and did the same thing to her that I did to our mother. So," Remus drew in a shaky breath, "she did the only thing she could - she turned me in to the Facility."

"Merlin..." James breathed. He knew that Remus had spent time in the Facility - they had talked about it once last year. But to think that someone from his own family would submit him to that _hell _was just terrible. He had always figured that his friend had been captured - certainly not turned in by the person who had raised him. Suddenly, James felt a rush of sympathy towards Remus. "So that's why you've tried to forget her..."

Remus nodded his head slowly, "I haven't thought of her for years - I haven't thought of anything but Hogwarts since we started our first year. I promised myself that I would leave all of that behind and start anew. For the most part - I've succeeded. But now," he sighed, "now I don't know what's happening."

James looked at his friend, his face full of sympathy. "I'm really glad you told me about this, Remus, it must have been terrible to keep it all to yourself." Remus saw him look at his watch, "Unfortunately, it's now two in the morning and I really don't want to be on McGonagall's bad side for my first duty of the year."

Remus cringed; he didn't realize he'd been talking for that long. "Yeah, I've got Coborn first off tomorrow. It's always good to face him with a good night's rest. See you in the morning?"

"Yep," James smiled. They both put their mirrors down, breaking off the connection. Just as James was drifting off to sleep, he heard Remus whisper from across the dormitory, "Thanks, Prongs - you're a lifesaver."


End file.
